 Woohoo Sh! is 20 years old and it's having a banging party to celebrate! Here's some reasons why you should come (and then when you've cleaned your fingers book your ticket arf arf)
For the past 20 years Sh! Women’s Store has been providing ladies with the toys, fetishware, erotica and advice to help them get the best out of their sex lives. Unlike other sex shops, the staff at this welcoming pink paradise are equipped with knowledge to help their customers, whether they are a nervous first timer or a consummate sex toy lover looking for something extra special.
Since it's birth in 1992, Sh! has had the pleasure of visiting the Prime Minister at Downing St, introducing the Jessica Rabbit to the UK, consulting with the likes of Je Joue to help them create toys that can hit all our spots with the biggest range of vibes (from a slight tickle to feck me that’s strong).
They provide aesthetically-pleasing fetishware (you don’t have to decked out in black leather to experience the thrills of spanking, flogging and nipple clamps). They are also a great place for therapists to refer clients who may have troubles discovering their parts (check out their vaginismus kit, extensive supply of Kegal balls and organic lube). What's more, these clever girls make their own tried-and-tested dildoes and harensses, potions and paddles!
I had the honour of being a Sh! girl for almost a year and have enjoyed hosting Fannying Around there on the last Monday of the month. I’ve also enjoyed all the saucy readings held by writers from Xcite (if you’re after some excellent wank fodder check out their anthologies) and the spectacularly saucy ladies from Filthy Mouth and Evil Tongues.
So come join the Sh! girls and its fans for a night of pleasure, partying and pervery at Café de Paris, in London on April 5. Also in attendance will be the world famous Fuel Girls who will be providing their unique brand of ‘high octane, nitro-powered’ entertainment, with fire breathing, stunts and totally hot dancing throughout the evening.
The Sh! twentieth birthday party is taking place on April 5th at Café de Paris, 3 Coventry Street, W1D 6BL London. VIP tickets are £15 (with access to the balcony and special bar) while standard tickets are £8.Groups of six can come for £40. Click here to get your tickets. Happy birthday Sh! Here’s to another two decades of pioneering sexiness!
Why is porn being blamed for society's perceived preference of the “neat” labia where the labia minoria (or inner lips) are smaller than our labia majora (outer lips)? Indeed last year’s Muff March, protesting against the new labiaplasty craze, blamed adult cinema for all evil.
Of course, there is a lot more of this “neat” type of vagina in porn, but as Liselle Bailey said when talking about porn’s use of pubes in an earlier post on this site, porn follows trends, it does not make them. And why are we relying on porn for our sex education anyway?
Now, I understand that schools are unwilling to show couples having sex. But pupil's text books show illustrations of vaginas and guess what? The vagina is always the same. If schools handed out books like Joani Blank’s Femalia, featuring a range of beautifully shot fannies, some hairy, some piereced, all different colours and all uniquely lipped, then our attitudes would change. Girls would likely feel a lot happier about their own special place and boys would be more appreciative of the beauty that lies within all of our knicks.
Femalia is available from Turnaround for £10.99. I will also be bringing my prized copy to the next Fannying Around on February 27 2012 x
 If you thought that Sweden, home of nude saunas, was liberal, then you may be as shocked as I am to hear that transsexuals there are currently being forced to have sterilasations.
Says campaign website www.allout.org: "If you are a transgender person in Sweden today looking to legally change your gender, in the 21st century you are still forced to undergo surgery that will render you permanently infertile and forever unable to have children."
While the majority of the Swedish parliament want to update this barbaric practise, Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeld has dug his heels in to keep it.
If you agree that this practice is wrong, please read the information on the site and sign the petition here.
 Imagine having to deal with chronic pain every hour of every day. You don't know what caused it or if there will ever be a cure. Then imagine that this pain is on your fanny. This can affect your health if smear tests are hard, your relationships and be hard to talk about. Open Foumer and writer Liz talks about her battle with vulvodynia.I was just 16 years old when I was diagnosed with vulvalvestibulitis. I had only recently become sexually active and within a matter of months, sex became so painful that I was forced to stop completely. After a barrage of tests which all came back negative, I was relieved to have my diagnosis and assumed this meant that I would soon be back to engaging in pain-free nookie.
Unfortunately vestibulitis, now known as vestibulodynia or localised vulvodynia, is not that simple. It is a condition whereby the skin of the vestibule (area between the inner labia) becomes painful to the touch, for no identifiable reason. Intercourse becomes extremely painful. While treatments do exist to help control the condition, there is no cure and finding the right combination of treatments is very much a case of trial and error.
I have now had vulval pain, to one degree or another, for ten years. During this time, the localised vulvodynia has morphed into generalised vulvodynia, whereby the pain is more widespread across the vulval region and tends to be continuous. Like many women with this condition, I find that sitting for any length of time worsens the pain. This may sound like a rare condition but a recent study showed that over 25% of women suffer from vulvodynia at some point in their lives.
The medical community has been slow to acknowledge vulvodynia; the very term was only coined 34 years ago and research is still pitifully sparse. The first hurdle facing women with vulval pain, therefore, is getting a diagnosis. Many doctors have simply not heard of this condition or know very little about it. Less than 2% of the sufferers in the study mentioned above had managed to receive a diagnosis.
If you are diagnosed with or suspect you may have vulvodynia, finding a helpful doctor is extremely important, but so is having a solid support network. Vulvodynia is a chronic pain condition and comes with the same elevated risk for depression as any other such condition, along with the added stigma of being in such an intimate area.
Many women have trouble talking to family and friends about this problem and so support from fellow sufferers can be invaluable, as can groups such as the Open Forum. I recently ventured out to one of the meetings and being able to talk out loud about my fanny problems was fantastically liberating.
Problematic nethers should not have to be a dirty little secret, but if we struggle to talk about our fannies when they are healthy, how are we going to do it when they are not behaving as we would like? When we can talk to each other and medical professionals about our lady parts without embarrassment, we will be on the road to a world where women understand the beautiful complexity of their own bodies and feel empowered to demand the prompt medical attention they need when things go wrong.
For more information on vulvodynia, visit www.vulvalpainsociety.org
For support from fellow sufferers, visit www.vulvodyniasupportforum.com
Liz blogs about things that aren’t vulvas at www.webofliz.blogspot.com
 Forget vajazzle crystals. Toy cars and bird's nests is where it's at for the muffs of Amanda Palmer & The Young Punks. Click the pic to see their vid "Map of Tasmania." Can someone get me the number of their stylist? Link provided by Shay, one of our next Fannying Around speakers.
 Lichen Planus is a condition that can affect the tongue and the skin - including the fanny. Sufferers can experience growths on the skin that can be painful, itchy, dry and/or undulating. As yet, it is unkowkn what causes the condition and it sadly difficult to treat. One brave Open Forumer opens about about her battle with the condition.I didn't know I had Lichen Planus (LP), or vulvovaginal-gingival lichen planus to be precise. This was because, unusually, mine was not painful. I went to the doctor about something else that turned out to be vaginal vitiligo, another skin condition, and that was when I found out I'd also had LP for some time. Untreated, the condition had eaten away my inner labia and changed the architecture of my vagina.
After that consultation I went home and did something I hadn't done in a very long time. I put a mirror on the floor and squatted over it. LP leaves areas of very dark, rough skin and, coupled with the vitiligo, had produced an enormously strange patchwork of textures and colours. The contour of the inside of my vagina had changed too, hollowed out where my inner labia used to be. It looked like I'd been hacked and burned. No one had even mentioned disfigurement. The shock was deep and lasting. I went into a deep depression that affected my relationships and my work.
The hospital medics were fairly disinterested. Maybe they'd just given up. "More research is needed" was all I heard. None of them acknowledged the psychological toll. Eventually my GP referred me to psychotherapy and I slowly began to allow for the idea that I might not be a lost cause and that somebody might just want me for myself and not be concerned about a physical problem.
It was five years after discovering I had LP that I had sex again and two years after that before I believed my partner wasn't bothered by it. These days I'm much less bothered than before.
About a year ago I started attending Fannying Around and, for the first time, told strangers about it. It was a great relief. I found a group of women who were empowering themselves by learning about their bodies and talking about their experiences, problems and maladies in a safe, accepting environment.
I recently attended Open Forum where I can explore my feelings about the condition in more depth and have them healthily acknowleged but controlled. They are just one part of me, they don't have to define me and neither does LP. I can change my reaction to it and both Open Forum and Fannying Around have helped me to achieve and maintain that.
Now, there are still moments when it gets to me but then, there are moments when I'm having such a good time I don't think about it at all.
Given my recent preconception with pubes (for those who missed out, check out my sprouting bush in the earlier Muffember posts), imagine my glee to come face to face with the short and curlies of a very sexy, very talented artist. No no I didn’t go under her skirt – I only chow down on my fella’s groin these days. The pubes were affixed to a canvas as part of her, and two equally scrummy friends’, first year art degree show from Kingston University. The artist, Jess, claimed to be very protective over her fanny, describing it as “diamonds” and coveting comments and souvenirs from conquests past, all of which accompanied her pubes, knickers, photos of her fanny and drawings of her naked flesh. I was enchanted.
Next up Fuschia, a boobilicious lady with floods of curly hair. She uses material, cling film and nude photos (I know it’s art and will sound pervy if I say too much, but she really does have amazing boobies) to portray sensual, edgy moments including her on the loo and on the blob (though she did confide that the pics showing her bleeding were done with red paint and not period. “I might try that next time,” she added, when she saw my disappointed little face. Ahhh)
Shay explores his battle with gender dysphoria using collage, etching and very moving text capturing the hate that he felt for his female form but also the conflict with the fact that, even as a boy he wishes he could wear dresses. “If I was born a boy I’d cross dress,” he said. (I'll admit, if I was a boy I'd so love to be a drag queen) I particularly liked his patch work collage which was reminiscent of Tracey Emmin’s quilts, though happily devoid of typos. “I sewed it all by hand. It took ages,” he said proudly, and rightfully so!
They are so lovely, inspiring and honest that I've booked them for the next Fannying Around. Click here for details of the event. Art in Public, a collection of erotic work exploring the reality of sex, will be on show at Sh!’s Portobello Road branch until 30th January 2012. Click here for directions.
 Dear Fanniers,
I was very fortunate to attend the Vulva Pain Society’s patient day last month with some of the Open Forumers. It centred on the condition vulvodynia which is an umbrella term used to describe a particular type of unexplained pain in the vulva. I did not know much about the condition so was keen to increase my knowledge. I was most surprised to hear that many doctors, midwives, GPs and family planning clinics also don’t know much about this condition, and the VPS is working to spread the word. Here’s a soupçon of what I learned:
1. Vulvodynia is the term used to describe women who experience the sensation of vulval burning and soreness in the absence of any obvious skin condition or infection. The sensation of burning and soreness of the vulva can be continuous (unprovoked vulvodynia) or on light touch eg. sexual intercourse or tampon use (provoked vulvodynia).
2. Cotton underwear, frequent changing, natural yoghurt and reducing sugary foods can sometimes help lessen the impact of the condition.
3. According to GP David Lloyd the cure for all chronic pain is to get more Vitamin D from the sun and eat more Brussels sprouts as, “The RNA incorporates into the DNA!”
4. Not knowing exactly what is causing the pain can be very hard to live with.
5. Some scientists believe vulvodynia is a physiological condition, possibly the result of an accident or an irregularity in the nerve transmitters...
6. That said suffers may still experience mental anguish that a therapist could help with. For example, they may avoid intimacy; develop secondary vaginismus (where the pelvic muscles clamp shut) and non consummation of a relationship. This can also affect a sufferer’s partner who may be frustrated, develop premature ejaculation or impotency. So going to a couple’s therapist may help. Do check out the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists.
7 For some patients who have tried all the pills and potions and still not found a cure, can still aim to live a full life by managing their pain with a pain specialist.
8. When applying any cream to your vulva, cutting your pubes can help reach the spot and prevent friction according to Dr Karen C Gibbon, consultant dermatologist at Whipps Cross. Some patients put their creams on the wrong area - most commonly the inner thigh. Maybe they are not sure of where it goes or are not able to reach their bits. Do ask if you are unsure.
9. Maggie Tomlin, brave midwife and inspiring senior lecturer in midwifery from
Hertfordshire University claimed that when she first encountered a mum-to-be
with vulvodynia, she thought she was being wimpy. Having discovered vulva pain
in 2006 she knows that she could have done more and now she teaches midwives
about vulva pain.
10. Patients often know more about their own condition than the midwives and they are generally not taught to ask about vulva pain so it’s our job to peak up. This goes for all conditions.
11. It is possible to monitor the progress of your pregnancy without many examination.
 12. Ladies worried about smear tests can download the Smears Without Tears form from the VPS site
here. It explains the
condition to practioners so take it along to your appointment.
To find out more about the Vulva Pain Society click here www.vulvalpainsociety.org. And to find out about Open Forum, our support
group for women with stubborn or painful nethers click here.
 Dear Fanniers, I hope you all had a fab Xmas and New Year. I am thoroughly recharged and am back with a mission. Over the last year I have heard so many women who have had difficulty with sex, being told by medical professionals to “just relax.” Of course anyone who has ever told anyone to relax, smile, snap out of it or cheer up will probably know, this has the opposite affect. Matters of the fanny are complicated. Some have problems of pain that may have nothing to do with their mental state (for example vulvodynia and dyspareunia. Some, like myself, had psychological problems that controlled their body in a subconscious manner (see vaginismus). Whether a patient has a medical condition, or they are just finding sex difficult, doctors should not be dismissing problems with sex. They should be probing further and referring patients to specialists. It took many years for me to confess to a family planning clinic that I could not have sex. The year was 1996 and I was 22. My then boyfriend had dragged me along after one two many hysterical, heartbroken nights where it just wouldn’t go in. I was convinced that the pain I felt on trying to shag for the last seven years was the normal cherry-loosing pain that every woman experiences and I was being extra wimpy in not being able to accept it. We were sat in the corner of a room filled with people. When an elder lady asked me what was wrong I immediately started sobbing. I was so ashamed and embarrassed by what had happened and, other than the men I was intimate with, I had not told another living soul. “I…can’t…have…sex,” I managed to sob. Then took a deep breath and held it. After a few moemnts I said quietly, “It won’t go in, it hurts. I’ve tried… for so long.” A motherly smile spread across the practioners’ face. “Oh you just need to relax.” Then to my boyfriend, “give her a glass of wine and a tickle.” I went into hysterics and my boy had to practically carry me out. For the rest of the day I was inconsolable and that night downed two bottles of wine. Of course it didn’t work. For the next few months, as well as feeling hopeless and unhappy I was either hungover or paralytic, A few months later he convinced me to tell my GP. I had to build up the courage again. She was able to diagnose me with vaginismus and over the next years I learnt to understand my condition. When I was about to be penetrated (be it by tampons, a spatula, or a willy) my pelvic muscles would clamp up. Nothing was going to get in there unless I learnt to open them. Through therapy, Kegal exercises, a lot of experimentation, understanding and perseverance I was able to conquer this. I figured that my experience at the family planning clinic was just unlucky. I should have gone to the doctor straight away. And surely, over the last decade, we’ve moved on from this damaging lack of understanding. Sadly this is not so. I have come across so many women who have been dismissed by medical pratitioners of all levels. It is tragic that some of these have stopped trying to get answers and have swept their sex lives under the carpet. Not being able to have sex will not kill us. But not having control over our bodies, or having unexplained pain or weird feelings, can certainly affect our well beings and our relationships. The sad fact is that help is out there if you know where to look. So, my mission is to help enlighten the medical profession and to direct ladies needing help to helpful places. I am currently working with Tuppy Owens and The Outsiders on The Sexual Respect Tool Kit, which aims to bring our sex lives into the GP’s surgery. If questions about our sexual health and fulfilment can be asked along with our blood pressure and height, doctors would likely reach a lot more individuals. And, once a patient does confess to sexual issues, we hope to arm them with a directory of helpful institutions. Read more about it here. And if anyone reading this would like to speak to a qualified sex therapist, you can either self refer, or be referred by a doctor, to one of the practioners The College of Sex and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) they operate all over the UK. To get to their website click here.
Finally if any ladies would like to share their experiences of stubborn / painful nethers and the medical profession - whether they are positive or negative - we’d love to hear from you. And, if you would like to chat to other ladies who have has similar experiences, in confidence the next Open Forum will be In London on Monday January 9th. If you would like to come drop me a here - of course they would be completely confidential.
Have a wonderful, sexy 2012 everyone xxx
One Saturday morning in a bedroom in Hackney, I awoke with a hangover and a sense of purpose. I logged onto my laptop and emailed Renée from Sh! Women's Store:
Dear Renée,
I hope you had a good eve. I am hungover and excited about an idea. I would like to pick your brains on something. Having recovered from vaginismus, I'd love to start a group where women can come and talk openly about their fannies. I'd love to call it Fannying Around and maybe hold it a Sh!? What do you think? I'm sorry if this is a bit out of the blue, I've not run a group before. No worries if it's not your thing. See you soooooon!
Lippy love,
Sarah x
To which she promptly replied:
Dear Sarah,
I am equally hungover : ) I'm happy to help in any way I can.
All the best,
Renée
Two weeks later I had managed to bribe all my best friends to come and take part in the first Fannying Around. On the way there I made up the ice breaker "My Fanny Is" which has started every Fanny club since. "Would you like me to talk about fannies?" Renee had asked once we'd had our tea and crumpets. I had no format in mind so I was happy for Renee to be our very first guest speaker. Then a feature came out in Metro courtesy of friend and Fannier Helen Croydon, I picked up Mel Jones, our house poet in Velvet Tongue, and my incredible fella bought me a website. So many women have become Fanniers. It's been amazing time where we've laughed, learnt, shared and squirmed. A big thank you to Beau Belle, Mel Jones, Janice Phayre, Kd Grace, Miss Annie Player, Cathy Flower, Ruby Jones, Katie from The London Cocktail Guide, Sonia Nimley, Daniel at Grafform, Dave at First Presence, Helen Croydon, Pauline, my mum and all the other speakers and Fanniers who have made this such an amazing year. Sitting in a room alone talking to myself about my flaps would've been no where near as fun Absolutely fucking awesome!If you want to be a part of it next year, please contact me here. For now, enjoy the pics of our debauched first birthday party...
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