An example of the clinical dilators Sarah Berry offers a non-clinical alternative to dilators for helping with vaginismus
Each of us navigates our sexual journey in different ways. It’s my belief that people managing conditions such as vaginismus, where the pelvic muscles spasm upon threat of penetration, should also be able to find their own way. To this do means having choices. Choice is empowering and can help us to feel in control, which is a bonus as vaginismus sufferers can feel like they can’t control vaginas. If this applies to you, one of the choices that you can make is which device – if indeed you choose to use a device in your recovery – to insert up you.
Each of us navigates our sexual journey in different ways. It’s my belief that people managing conditions such as vaginismus, where the pelvic muscles spasm upon threat of penetration, should also be able to find their own way. To this do means having choices. Choice is empowering and can help us to feel in control, which is a bonus as vaginismus sufferers can feel like they can’t control vaginas. If this applies to you, one of the choices that you can make is which device – if indeed you choose to use a device in your recovery – to insert up you.
The RO-80MM is a 7-speed handbag-sized bullet (£8.99) At present sufferers are often offered clinical dilators. These are clinical-looking tubes made of hard plastic with screw-on handles of varying sizes, usually in a flesh (as in Caucasian flesh) or cream colour. This is great if you find it hard to reach your vagina, if you want to separate erotic practices from clinical exercises, if you don’t like sex toys, are not able to access them or, for whatever reason, you are not able to use them. Then, for you, using a clinical dilator is a positive choice.
The silicone RO-Mona is 105mm x 20mm (14.99) When I was recovering from vaginismus, I actually wasn’t offered the free dilators so took matters into my own hands. I decided to buy a vibrator. Going to a sex shop was exciting and scary – especially as I felt so outside the “normal” sexual loop. At this time I didn’t have a huge knowledge of where to find an extensive range of toys, so could only find a cheap rather sizable. It took time, a lot of courage, a few tubes of lube and a massive leap of faith to get this beast up me.
The RO-100MM Soft Tip has a silicone tip I wish I had known of the Rocks Off range of bullets. Varying in size from 79mm x 16mm for the RO-80MM to 124mm x 25mm for the RI-120MM, these affordable, multi-speed, silicone and plastic metallic vibrators are beautifully made and come in a range of colours and designs. What's more, batteries are included!
The Wings of Desire RO-120MM designed by tattooist Lal Hardy (£22.99) If you are new to inserting things, you might like to practise Kegel exercises before you start. This teaches you to isolate and relax the pelvic muscle, which is blocking penetration. To do this, when you go to the toilet and are mid wee, stop the flow – like you would if you had to dash off somewhere or if someone accidentally opened the door. The muscle you clench to do this is the muscle that involuntarily clenches on threat of penetration.
The RO-160MM in leopard (£24.99) When you have finished weeing (you don’t want to it lots of times every time you wee as that could lead to a bladder infection) practise pretending to stop and start your wee. You can do this when you are lying in bed, at the bus stop, at work – anywhere. This will help you control your muscle and relax on demand. Many women do Kegel exercises to strengthen their pelvic muscles (vaginismus sufferers can usually boast a strong vaginal!) so this is another thing that is not confined to the afflicted.
RO150MM slimline bullet is 50mm x 16mm When you’re ready to use a vibrator, you may or may not choose to turn the vibrations on. Sometimes arousal can help the vagina open up and also help the training to feel fun and sensual. However, if you are nervous and depending on getting aroused before you pluck up the courage to insert anything, it could be that you buzz yourself to point of feeling too sensitive. If this happens, give the buzzing the break until the sensitivity subsides. If you do not usually experience much vaginal wetness when you try and insert something, I recommend you use some lube to help it slide in. There are many different lubes on the market – I will explore these in another post. The main rule of thumb, however is not to mix silicone lube with silicone toys.
The gold bullet collection is £35 The Rocks Off toys are just one example of sexy products that you could use to train your vagina. Websites like www.shwomenstore.co.uk (which also has an awesome female-friendly shop in London with staff trained to help with conditions such as these), as well as high street stores like Ann Summers and Harmony have many different types. You may feel you want a more spongy, jelly toy; you may want more intense or more vibrations - or no vibrations at all (otherwise known as a dildo); you may want a different length, a different girth; something with diamanté studs or a different colour. Choosing which toy you want can be a lot of fun. Feel free to send in any recommendations!
However you choose to manage your vaginismus, I wish you immense luck.
However you choose to manage your vaginismus, I wish you immense luck.
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