
I went on and off SSRIs for much of my 20s. My depression was
due to the fact I had vaginismus – a condition where my pelvic muscles spasm at the threat of penetration so everything from inserting tampons tohaving sex was impossible. I used to find it hard to orgasm and would often reach a plateau. But on the tablets I could not even get wet feel excitement. I will never know how much of this was due to the depression and the shame I felt around having vaginismus and how much was because of the tablets. But I am sure they did not help. I did ask several doctors and psychiatrists about this and the general consensus was that it was better to be happy than have to orgasms. But the fact that I could not feel pleasure in my vagina held up my ability to get over the vaginismus and also intensified the depression – hence the fact I was on and off the tablets.
Now I am in my 30s, I am over the vaginismus and have found my orgasm. This is magical to me and a fact I will never take for granted. So, when I found myself experiencing debilitating levels of anxiety attacks and the doctor suggested I go onto SSRIs again, I protested and was again fed the line, “isn’t it more important to get over the anxiety?” There were no other solutions. I was put on sedative while the antidrepessants kicked in and again lost my ability to feel pleasure in my vagina. This could be due to the fact I was worried about the effects of the drugs, but I couldn’t ask the doctor about it – I felt like I’d taken up enough of his time. It felt like a prison sentence and I worried it would impact my mood and my relationship if I carried on.
Fortunately a psychiatrist told me about Moclobmide – an antidepressant that has actually been known to enhance orgasms! I am not sure exactly how the tablets will affect me, but knowing that they are not known to affect orgasms has given me real peace of mind.
The medical profession is concerned with pain management and keeping people alive which is, of course, important. But they need to understand that can a tricky sex life can really affect one’s quality of life. Some doctors are amazing. They know to offer therapy to
patients who are experiencing distress with sexual problems and will also have more knowledge of the different treatment options available. This level of care needs to be standard.
My advice for readers would be to do your own research into treatments and present these to the doctor. Of course not all tablets will be right for everyone, but helping to make an informed choice about the way you are treated can be empowering.
For more info, read the Rude Magazine feature in which Rachel quoted here. For more advice on dealing with depression, vist Mind.